Our Adoption Journey - Adoption Placement Staffing Match? - Part 4

Part 1 - 143 Million
Part 2 - 2AM Conversation
Part 3 - I thought this would be easier
Part 4 - Adoption Placement Staffing Match? 
Part 5 - Foster Parents

The events of this post occurred several months ago. I've had trouble putting some of this into words as this next part of our adoption journey is the toughest yet.

Christa continued to pray her prayer: "God, if you want us to adopt, please move this forward in a way that is unmistakably your hand at work."

About four weeks after Christa started praying, a friend of ours from church introduced us to a friend of hers who was foster parenting a sibling set of two beautiful children under 5. *Jonathan was older and *Emma younger (names have been changed to protect their privacy).

Before meeting them for the first time, we promised each other that we would stay objective about the children. After all, before now, we had never considered adopting two children at the same time!


We met them at the park. We brought our children along under the guise of meeting new "friends". We arrived after them. I remember straining to see them as we parked the van and walked up. When we saw them for the first time, I was overwhelmed with how much they looked like us!

Our biological kids and I played along in a game of tag, seizing any moment to interact with Jonathan and Emma. There smiles were bright! Thanks to an amazing foster family, these children seemed nearly as secure as any other child. 

An emergency bathroom situation cut our play date short. After we said goodbye, Christa sent a few discerning glances my way as we walked back to the van. We talked in code on the way home to prevent the other three passengers in the van from understanding the potential weight of that play date. We both agreed. Jonathan and Emma were amazing and we would love to welcome them into our family!

The children were legally available for adoption and the state agency wanted to expedite the final placement for the sake of the children. However, several other families were under consideration by the adoption placement staffing team. 

We visited Jonathan and Emma a lot! The foster parents were very gracious as we visited multiple times per week. The children seemed to open up to us more each visit. We had consulted with our friends who are more familiar with the "system" than we were: "What was the likelihood that we could be chosen to adopt these wonderful children?" All of our friends agreed that having met and interacted well with the children, our chances of adopting the children were very good.

Staying objective was an epic failure. How could we do that? Behave coldly towards the children? Not an option.

Those few weeks were filled with incredible anticipation and hope of what might be.

The adoption placement staffing was delayed several times for unknown reasons. Finally, the phone call came. Christa called for me to pickup the phone. As soon as I picked up the phone, I heard the adoption caseworker's voice telling us we were not chosen as a "match" for Jonathan and Emma. I told the caseworker that I understood how difficult of a decision this must have been. I can't fathom having to make such a choice. Still, we were crushed.
 
We felt completely numb. We had underestimated the emotional cost of this journey. My heart broke for un-parented children two and a half years ago. But we had wrongly thought that we could help without having to join in the suffering. But how can anyone be rescued from a problem so destructive without a significant sacrifice. The truth is that the closer we get to this epidemic, the more of the emotional load we share.

It had never been more clear than at that moment: This cannot be about us. We must be willing to help these little ones carry an emotional load that is crushing them. And it will cost us, but it will lighten their load.


*The names of the children have been changed to protect their privacy.